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"Your courtship will be whatever you want your marriage to be."

Rafael Hernández Urigüen, professor and chaplain of Tecnun, presents the fourth edition of his book 'Noviazgo ¿seguros? Ideas to get it right'.

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Don Rafael posing with his book in Tecnun PHOTO: Communication Service
06/04/18 13:09 Communication Service

"Engagement has not been given the importance it deserves". This is how the professor and chaplain of Tecnun, Mr. Rafael Hernández Urigüen, puts it. "Once I was at a retreat and I met a Muslim boy. He said to me, 'Father, I see that for Christians courtship does not have the weight, or the entity, that it could have'. And I answered him, 'Well, look, I think the same thing,' because sometimes we don't see that it is there where the fundamental attitudes of marriage are designed," says this chaplain of the School of Engineers.

"At that time I was already thinking about the book, and I said to myself, this has to be written," recalls the professor at Tecnun. Said and done. Almost a decade ago the first edition of his book, 'Noviazgo ¿seguros? Ideas para acertar' and only a few months ago the fourth edition was published, an unmistakable sign that the book is in good health. "I like to say that your courtship will be what you want your marriage to be." Or as they say in soccer slang: "you play the way you train," says Don Rafael with a laugh.

The dialogues in this book, which is prefaced by the psychiatrist Enrique de Rojas, revolve around the real stories of university students and other young people who participated in an interdisciplinary seminar over the course of ten years. In turn, they tell the love and heartbreak stories of other people. In these real stories, with fictitious names for privacy, we discover accurate approaches that have led to faithful, respectful and committed love, along with erratic approaches that lead to resounding failures. "The book does not offer recipes, but testimonies and ideas that enlighten to decide well about love," says the author.

"Courtship is often seen as a period prior to marriage, but a mere transition, without its own entity, even trivialized, remaining a mere flirtation," insists the professor. "However, it is a very important stage of mutual knowledge between the woman and the man, in which there are unwritten rules of sincerity, respect, true love, patience, deep knowledge, which are often overlooked and forever mark the future marital relationship."

"In recent years, women have been missing the man's decision to propose a wedding date, and this indecision on the part of men is reflected in some of the stories in my book," says Rafael. "For Christians, prayer and a thorough pre-marital formation are aids that help them make the right decisions. That is why my book explains with real stories the importance of knowing each other well and cultivating a patient, detailed and respectful love that is not yet definitive, but that has a horizon of commitment", says the author.

In addition to classes and writing, Professor Hernández Urigüen takes time out on Monday afternoons to lead the film forum seminar 'Topics and Ethics' in which students watch a film, which they then discuss together. "An open, free and free cultural activity in Donostia", as he himself says whenever he has the opportunity.

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